Communication

Psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis can raise difficult issues in relationships. No matter if it is co-workers, friends or family, good communication and honesty is key. However, it’s not always easy. Here are some tips for better communication.

Always show respect for the other person. This helps open the lines of communication. If you use blaming or demeaning comments, it can make the other person defensive which shuts down communication.

Be clear. Describe a specific situation or your observations using the facts. Try to avoid using words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ and stick to the situation at hand.

Don’t assume. Test your assumptions verbally by asking for clarification. Remember that assumptions are often the place where good communication breaks down. If you’re not sure what the other person is feeling or thinking, ask.

Listen to your body. You may be tempted to "push through the pain" of psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, but overdoing it can trigger exhaustion, and potentially worsen the flare. Instead, set priorities and pace yourself. List what you need to do in order of importance, and do the most important ones while you feel strongest and most energetic.

Be open and honest about your feelings. Explain to people how psoriasis or psoriatic arthritis affects your ability to do things. Tell them how you feel about this. If people don’t understand how your disease may affect you, they can’t help you if you need it.

Accept the feelings of others. Try to understand them. Just like you want another person to respect how you feel, give them the same courtesy. It may not always be easy. Rather than answering immediately, you can always say, “I don’t fully understand. Could you explain some more?”

Be tactful and courteous. Avoid using sarcasm and blaming others. If both people stay respectful and calm, it makes communication much easier. If you feel yourself starting to get upset, it’s ok to ask for a break so you can regroup and talk about it after you’ve calmed down.

Work at using humor. Humor can lighten the situation, but know when it’s time to be serious. Too much humor or inappropriate humor could hinder the communication process.

Don’t make yourself a victim. If you express your feelings, don’t expect others to act the way you think they “should” act. Also, you shouldn’t have to apologize all the time for your feelings. However, if what you’ve said or done has hurt the other person, then you should apologize.

Become a good listener. Good communication isn’t just about talking. It’s also about listening and responding to what the other person has said, not just saying everything you want to say.

Maintain a positive attitude. Remember that you're allowed to have low-energy days, but that you're in control of how you relate to the disease. Share your thoughts with other people with psoriasis on the National Psoriasis Foundation's message boards.

What else can you do?

• Familiarize your partner with your medications and even suggest that they help you apply your medication.
• Find a buddy (besides your partner) who will listen to you and be honest with you.
• Don't assume that you know what the other person wants or thinks. Ask!
• Get help. Develop a strong support system of family and friends.
• Say thank you. Recognize that others are trying to help, and let them know you are grateful.
• Remember that psoriasis is part of who you are, but not all of you.
• Connect with others with psoriasis in the Psoriasis Foundation's message boards and chats.

Some content adapted from Living a Healthy Life with Chronic Conditions, 3rd edition, 2006.