Dating and relationships
Psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis can add another element to dating and relationships. Both may seem like barriers to forming romantic relationships. But by understanding the diseases thoroughly and by making plans to bring them up in conversation, people with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis can enjoy the natural progression of a relationship.
Depending on how people with psoriasis feel about the disease, they can bring it up to potential partners appropriately. They can wait until the relationship is ongoing before broaching the subject. Or, they can mention the psoriasis casually in conversation. An upcoming medical appointment, for example, may be a natural topic to mention to a potential partner. The following tips may help disarm your negative thoughts:
Five tips for dating
1. Identify the negative thought and write it down: For example, "No one will ever want to be with me because of my psoriasis."
2. Test the thought: Are you jumping to conclusions? Are you making psoriasis the scapegoat for not dating? What proof do you have for your thoughts?
3. Dispute the thought: Many people with psoriasis have good friends and partners. Everyone is rejected at some point for some reason. If you were turned down because of your psoriasis, would you want to spend time with someone that superficial?
4. Review possible rebuttals: If a person turns you down because of your psoriasis, consider a thoughtful reproach. For example, "Sorry, I thought you would want to know me before you made a superficial judgment."
5. Carry out the action: Ask someone out.
In a long-term relationship, it is even more important to remain open with a partner about feelings. Everyone's feelings are real—not trivial or self-indulgent. When people with psoriasis feel they can't share their feelings with their partners, it is useful to find other ways to cope, such as joining a support group, participating in our online message board for people with psoriasis, talking with a trusted friend or writing their thoughts down on paper.
What else can you do?
- Familiarize your partner with your medications and even suggest that they help you apply your medication.
- Find a buddy (besides your partner) who will listen to you and be honest with you.
- Don't assume that you know what the other person wants or thinks. Ask!
- Get help. Develop a strong support system of family and friends.
- Say thank you. Recognize that others are trying to help, and let them know you are grateful.
- Remember that psoriasis is part of who you are, but not all of you.
- Connect with others with psoriasis in the Psoriasis Foundation's message boards and chats.
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